Sunday, August 9, 2009


So, there are some things that happen in life that make you pause...look around...and wonder when someone will point to the camera in the office plant or when Allen Funt will appear to reveal that you are on Candid Camera. Seriously, some days I wait and just hope that people are drawing this one out for a while in the vain of comedic timing. People, the dramatic pause should not last hours or days. But, I will laugh when you finally reveal the camera and I will shake my finger exclaiming, "you really got me this time!"

Basically, I think it's important to point out those moments in life when you would rather be on some weird voyeuristic prime time television show with a laugh track then acknowledge that this is your life. In my case, there usually is no laugh track with the exception of the one that comes from friends hours after a stupid moment or experience...when I retell the ridiculousness of it all. Despite my love for oral storytelling, I am going to attempt to retell those moments here. Perhaps they will be told soon after they occur or I may just pull some of the ridiculous from the archives for for the sake of funny.

Hey Emily,
I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think we should continue seeing each other. I know we've only been on two dates, but I feel you deserve an explanation since things seemed to be going so well.

I do like you and I did have fun on both of our dates, I absolutely wasn't lying. However, I've been thinking about the big picture and the fact is I'm just not AT ALL in a place right now where I could start seriously dating you - which is where I saw things heading. I have this fucked up relationship with one of my best friends. I've had feelings for her for a long time.

I just really didn't think it was fair to you to walk you into that potential land mine waiting to explode. Ya know?

Again, really sorry! Believe me, you did nothing wrong and I hope you can find somebody that's good for you right now!


I think the "kids" are sayin' something dumb like FML in response to something like this. I don't really subscribe to all that nonsense that the "kids" are doing. I don't enjoy abbreviations, nor am I a fan of the smiley face emoticon shit. Seriously, if I want to smile at you in an email I am much more likely to say (smiley) than actually type :) I just don't like it. To be fair, I will throw it out there that I may have used the whole :) crap in an email or text before. In my defense, it is usually used with people who don't know about my strong feelings against close friends know I don't like them and are use to my mockery when I type (smiley) in protest.

Anyway, that was a tangent. However, this whole things (see: blog) is a tangent and we play by my rules so I will get off topic all I do you like that? Seriously though...FML or whatever. Really? A facebook message? Some background information: two dates. Get over yourself. With that said, we did have plans for later in the night. Yep, the night the email was sent. And, the plans were initiated by Ben. Oh, and don't worry...his name was not changed to protect his identity. Douchebag can stumble across this blog and find out what I really think. Tell us all how your love for your best friend is workin' out for you. Do you think you are in a 90's teen movie? Cause, I got news for you, you aren't. I'll save you the Blockbuster rental fee...this won't end up with you two deciding you need to go to the same college and make babies and live happily ever after. Nope, it will probably end with you being pretty pathetic and lusting after said best friend who was and will never be interested. Because I've got another news flash for you...if she liked'd be together. Just sayin'. Anyway, the funny part about this situation (aside from the fact that we are not in high school and Facebook is not the appropriate platform for such conversation) is that it was received approximately twenty minutes after I found out I was laid off. Yep, I don't have a job. So, soak it up (I'm talking to you "kids")...this is about the only time you will see me use a stupid chat abbreviation...


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