Tuesday, December 15, 2009

next stop: awesomeville

Something totally amazing happened this weekend and no it was not that I threw up in a sink at a bar (which may or may not have happened).

This is my third Christmas in Chicago and I've begun to loose faith...I see posters and I hear people talk, but never have I witnessed it. All of that changed this weekend.

I saw it...

The em effin' CTA Holiday Train! Could there be anything better? I mean, I wouldn't even fight if they raised the fare to $4 if it was decorated year round. But, it won't be. It will be gone soon. Regardless, all faith has been restored. Thank you CTA Holiday Train. Thank you for making this girls holiday dream come true.

Friday, December 11, 2009

more leftovers

Okay, so to pick up where we left off....

Cuddle Gate 2009
. Yeah, we had a layover in Pittsburgh for about two hours and the second the train stopped I was out of there. Not that I was in a race to do nothing at the train station...I was just in a race to do nothing at the train station away from my train buddy. Sad thing is that the Pittsburgh train station is about the size of my studio apartment. Well, this is what I had to say about the experience:

The upside is that I believe that passing out on my bosom and remaining alcohol free for a few hours sobered my friend up a little bit. Hopefully he was embarrassed when he woke up in my chest and decided to avoid me as much as I avoided him in the closet they call a train station in Pittsburgh.

The rest of the train trip was uneventful. Long and uneventful. Just like I wanted. I will leave you with the highlights of my trip home because you don't want to read all the details and I don't want to type them:

  • I lounged around at my dad's house...a lot, which was basically awesome.
  • My dad plays an embarrassing amount of Spider Solitaire on his computer. After a few days I found myself rushing to the computer to play it.
  • I had a sleep over with my grandparents.
  • I went with my grandparents to get them hearing aids.
  • My grandmother scolded the hearing aid lady and said, "You really don't need to scream at us." This was once she got the hearing aid in and on. Awesome thing was that the woman was actually talking quietly.
  • Learned that my grandfather LOVES flipping through the channels on the television NON STOP! This is a little lie because he did stop a few times and once was after about 100 channels. He stopped...on the Terminator...in Spanish. My grandfather doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. He may be thinking of learning though. Watching Spanish television may be his way of immersing himself in the language.
  • My brother and sister-in-law came the day before Thanksgiving.
  • Baked a kick ass pumpkin cheesecake
  • Ate and drank too much on Thanksgiving
  • May have gotten slightly drunk, but was overshadowed by my uncle who definitely got drunk.
  • Played LCR and now I want a set of LCR dice so bad
  • Got no pity during LCR when I proclaimed, "Remember, I have no job. I need money."
  • Went to the beach. Yes, the Jersey Shore, but without the spiked hair and spray tans.
  • Had some great talks with my dad.
  • Played about ten rounds of Catch Phrase with my family. Young People vs. Old People.
  • Young People kicked ass.
  • Laughed my ass off when my cousin Keirsten was trying to get us to guess "Detroit Tigers," and gave the clue, "capitol of Michigan." (She is a high school teacher.)
  • Oh, and when she was trying to get us to guess tiger she yelled, "God dammit another cat name!" after we guess, "Lion, jaguar, panther..."
  • Threw up in my mouth watching zit porn. (Be. Warned.)
  • Enjoyed a relatively boring train trip home and no one tried to molest me.
  • I did have to listen to a crazy man who didn't pick up on social queues of when to stop talking to strangers. He went as far as to tell this 80 year old woman that he loved her and was so happy they met. He gave her a hug and over his shoulders she rolled her eyes at me.
  • She became my hero.
  • Developed a disdain for Pittsburgh after my four hour lay over there.
  • Found out that the entire "city" of Pittsburgh shuts down at 9pm.
  • Took a cab home and was reminded why I love Chicago as we drove down Lake Shore Drive during the sunrise.
  • Realized that New Jersey will forever hold a special place in my heart and I will always love it, but Chicago is my soul mate.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

left overs

Sweet gsus it has been forever since I last wrote a real post. And I guess I have proved myself quite the liar with the whole "for real, tomorrow...I'll write tomorrow," crap I did a few days ago. In my defense, when it was a today...it clearly was not tomorrow anymore...it was today. So, I had to wait until tomorrow came. Right?
Anyway, Thanksgiving and Cuddle Gate 2009. So, I took the train from Chicago to New Jersey because I am a touch crazy about flying. Another story all together. I was pretty jazzed about the trip though. I had a couple really good books to read, some movies, and lots of sleeping to do. I bought dinner to eat on the train because we pulled out of Union Station at 6 something in the evening. Real fast, train travel is the way to go if you are a late person. I mean, not that I am or anything, just saying. I mean, I am assuming that you can show up at the train station with a little less than 30 minutes before you train leaves and still have plenty of time to check your bags and board and stuff. Just a guess.

So, I board the train and see that I am assigned an aisle seat. Not. Happy. (Jan.) I get ready to put my stuff down and this youngish guy says, "Are you in seat 27?" Why yes, yes I am. He responds, "I'm 28. Looks like it is you and me babe." Ugh. With his use of the word "babe" to me...a total stranger...I knew what I was about to do next was totally going to work. "Oh, I am totally jealous of your window seat." (Bat eyelashes, pout lip, girl stuff, girl stuff) "Take it. It's dark out anyway. I'm not going to see shit anyway." Yes, it worked. And, he is apparently an idiot. I don't want to see anything outside. I wanted to lean against the window while I slept. What I didn't know was that this whole plan would fail. Majorly. With no window...he had very few options for where he would rest his head when he slept. And, if we get technical, he chose two options...my right boob and my left. We will get to that in a second.

We have barely gotten out of Chicago and he proceeds to tell me that he is 36. Divorced four months ago. Don't worry, it was his second marriage. He has three kids. Two boys and a girl. The girl is 18 months old. Both of his ex-wives are strippers. He is done with strippers. He has been on a train since yesterday. Oh, surprise...he is traveling to the SAME DESTINATION AS ME! 24 hours together he proclaims. "We have a lot of time to get to know each other." I think, "I can't fall asleep soon enough. Does anyone have any horse tranquilizers? I would rather not get to know him further. They can be for me or for him." He continues to say that he is traveling from Texas. He hasn't been outside of Texas in 15 years. He is moving to Atlantic City to live with his dad. Winner. He can't wait to live in Atlantic City because there is "so much to do there." Oh, he is super drunk too. Sort of like frat boy drunk, but not frat boy because he didn't go to college. He lists everything he has had to drink in the last 24 hours. I wonder why he is not dead. He tells me he could never live in Chicago because there is "nothing to do here. It is the middle of no where." He again says he is very jazzed to live in Atlantic City where there is "so much to do: the beach, casinos, strip clubs, bars. They have everything." I am officially over him at this point. No you don't dis on my city! I tell him that there is surprisingly a lot to do in Chicago because it is...I don't know...just the third largest city in the country. (fact) He shrugs his shoulders and says we can talk some more, but for now he is going to go get a drink.

He comes back about two hours later...just when I am trying to go to sleep. He mumbles about being drunk and making out with some girl a few cars up. Confusing the hell out of me. Whatever. He says that she will probably "totally sleep with [him]." He asks me if he should go back and "do her." I say he definitely should because I want him gone. He leaves again.

He comes back about 45 minutes later. I have my eyes closed at this point. He ignores this and puts his arm on my legs and leans in and tells me has my back. He "won't let anything happen to me." I, stupidly, entertain this conversation and ask if he is talking about on the train because I doubt he will have to "get my back." He tells me he loves me and that even though we don't really know each other well he thinks I am a "really awesome chick." I ask if he even remembers my name because I know the answer. Surprise! He doesn't. He begs me to tell him and I say, "Emily," and roll over. He goes on and on about how Emily is "such a sexy name," which I don't even understand. How is it sexy? Like, would it wear hot lingerie if it could? Apparently it would because he says it is "mad sexy." He tries to cuddle in to me and tells me that he didn't sleep with that girl. He tells me she is a "freak." Funny, coming from him. He asks if he should bring her back to our seat. I am over this. He then says she would get really jealous if she came back here and saw us together. This is odd because we are most definitely not together. I tell him to finish his drink because I do not want the red wine in his plastic cup to spill on me when he passes out. I roll to the side and go to sleep.

I wake up several hours later and wish I could show you in person what I saw. I looked down to find his arm around my waist. And, his head resting on...MY BREASTS! We were entering a station and the train was going slowly and bumping around. I watched as his head bounced on my tits. Awesome, right? Funny thing is, I was faced with a decision and ultimately felt that leaving him there was my best bet. I didn't want to wake him up and start the talking machine. I went back to sleep.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

it's only a day away...

I think it was a genius who said, "why do today, what you can put off until tomorrow?" Right? Boo Thomas Jefferson and his whole, "never put off till tomorrow what you can do today." Have a little fun Jefferson.

Seriously though. I PROMISE to write tomorrow. My head is getting too full with stuff I need to write.