Sunday, March 14, 2010

when the sky is falling

(via oh brooke)

2010-1981 does not 35 make

Yesterday afternoon I rode the L home and overheard the conversation below. It's probably a little more fun if I set the stage.

I am not a good judge of age. Hell, you could be 15 or 25 in my book. 30 or 52. I don't know. I've never been able to tell how old people were. When I waited tables, I thankfully rested on the "gotta card everyone" policy. I would have accidentally served minors all day long had I not been required to check. I just can't tell.

Flash forward to my L ride. Three girls get on a stop after me. No clue how old they are. I notice them, though, because they are making a hell of a lot of noise. Talking loudly. Laughing. Generally shattering the quietness that existed before their entrance onto the train car. So, I can't help but stare at them. (It's a bad habit.) They look like my age. I guess. But, there are a few things off. I had a strong feeling these girls were definitely NOT my age. Well, the one girl is talking with a really pronounced lisp. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a lisp and I guess adults have them. But, this girls was REALLY pronounced. Her friend, looked normal until you got to her waist. She was wearing a black (faded) cotton knee length skirt with giant flowers on it....OVER jeans. On her feet? Crocs. Not just any Crocs, but ones with those decorations in the little holes. A flower. A heart. And, a teddy bear holding a basket ball. Something was telling me these loud ass girls were not my age. Then, it happened. This...

girl 1: so, wait, when was he born?
girl 2: 88.
girl 3: yeah, and she was born in 90. she just thinks he is too old.
girl 1: that is only like 2 years.
girl 2: i know!
girl 3: so, when were you born? 88?
girl 2: (laughing) NO! 90.
girl 1: oh, i thought you were older then that.
girl 3: me too.
girl 2: (laughing harder) NO!
girl 3: so when was matt born?
girl 2: 81...oh my gosh...i mean 91! oh my gosh!
(laughing uncontrollably)

girl 1: 81! he would be like 35!
girl 3: yeah, he'd have like gray hair!
girl 2: oh my gosh I can't believe I said 81. no! that would be old. he was born in 91.

the girls continue to laugh very uncontrollably and blurt out things like "81!" or "oh my gosh!"


I laughed to myself (very visibly while shaking my head) and looked up to find the girl directly across from me doing the same. She then mouthed "I feel old." I didn't feel old. What I did feel was a strong urge to stand up and say, "Excuse me. First, if Matt was born in 1981 he would be 28. Not 35. And, 28 is NOT OLD!"

I didn't. I just held in the mouth vomit and got off at the next stop. Which was not an attempt to be dramatic, but because it was my stop. It would have been slightly awesome if I threw my scarf around my neck and said, "I've had enough of this," as I exited the train and waited for the next one.

So, moral of the story is: I may be getting better at determining age then I was in the past. It has nothing to do with getting "old." And, these children need to get themselves to a math class. Stat. 2010-1981 does not 35 make!

P.S. In a slightly related story. I took the bus home from the train because it was raining. It was rather crowded so I had to sit next to someone. I would have done anything for a sign like this:

Friday, March 12, 2010


That's right. I'm currently reading this. Don't judge. I checked it out at the library. And, I'm enjoying it.

P.S. The follow-up book, Sweet Little Lies: An L.A. Candy Novel, might just be in my hold queue at the library. By might, I clearly mean totally is.

Friday, March 5, 2010

stroke of genius

About a year and a half ago I watched a video on where Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroanatomist, discussed a stroke that she had in December 1996. She spoke of the two hemispheres of our brains and the different functions they are responsible for. As she shared her story of the morning of her stroke, she discussed how she became acutely conscious of those two functions: the right hemisphere that connects us as beings of the outside world, where we are "at one with all that is;" and the left hemisphere that allows us to recognize our beings as being individual from all else that is in the universe. During her talk she discussed how the left hemisphere of her brain was effected by the stroke, yet tearfully shared the positive experience of losing the ability to separate herself from the universe and live (if only for moments) in a space where she was truly connected to all that is.

At the end of her talk she challenged those in the audience to make choices regarding which hemisphere we allow to guide our lives. She questioned the audience as to what they would choose. She stated, "I believe that the more time we spend choosing to run the deep inner peace circuitry of our right hemispheres, the more peace we will project into the world and the more peaceful our planet will be."

It inspired me. At the time, I was experiencing stress at work and it reminded me again why I chose to be in a helping profession. It reminded me why I chose to go to work each day.

It seems as if eons have passed since that reminder. I'm not exactly sure what path I am supposed to take in life. What I do know is that I hope to be a part of a large change in the world. I want to make great waves and leave my footprint. I want to leave things better when I leave then when I enter a space...this space...any space. While I feel lost on how to make that happen, I am reminded that I need to find a way to figure it out. I need to reconnect.

Here is her talk. I think it can change your life:

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I can't even begin to express how much my family and friends mean to me. I would never be able to carry on without their love and support. They lift me up and walk with me when I need it. And, they know even if I don't say the words.

Some of them read this blog. Some of them don't. Some know when I struggle. Some don't. But, all of them are there. All of them love me. Even when I feel unlovable. They fill my heart with love and know just when to hold my hand. I am blessed beyond belief and thankful to the core of my soul.

true that...

outlook not so good...

I apologize in advance. I am going to be Negative Nancy for a second here. I am working on finding a solution, but part of that solution for me is being able to get it out in some form or another. So, bare with me for a moment and I will get back to happy nothing little posts soon.

Have you ever really followed your gut and had it be wrong? I think I am sitting in a place of recognition that my gut lied to me. But really, I'm not even sure it was my gut that lied. Perhaps my gut was telling me what to do the whole time and I just ignored it. I'm not even sure anymore. I'm not sure how to trust myself to know the difference.

I'm usually one of those people that once she makes a decision, stands firm in it. And they are usually really good for me. It's true that I can be indecisive and take time to weigh options, but when I take that leap...when I decide...I'm all in. There is very rarely a moment of turning back wondering if I took a wrong step.

I'm looking back now.

I hate this feeling. I am disappointed in myself. Embarrassed. And I feel broken because of it. I have this desire to have someone swoop in and rescue me or be there for me, but at the same time I am so afraid of hearing "I told you so," that I don't even know how to begin to ask for support. I just want to drown in this feeling because I don't know how to make things right.

one day... of these little guys will find a home in my bedroom. (I think the cheetah is my favorite.)