10 months and four days...

That's right, 10 months and four days ago today I worked my last day at my former job. It was the day that I was laid off and quasi dumped via a Facebook message (I say "quasi dumped" because we weren't even dating and he was way over dramatic).

When I started writing this blog I had grand ideas that it would be some Adventures in Unemployment (a la Adventures in Babysitting); however, unemployment wasn't all I dreamed it would be. I'm not going to lie and say that it wasn't totally bitchin' to never have to wake up or go to sleep at a set time. I won't say that never having to say, "I don't want to go to work tomorrow," wasn't awesome. Visiting my family for over a week, did it. Had friends come in town, check. Okay, it unemployment sort of did rock. However, it sucked too. I lived on hardly anything. I got stuck on an insane sleep schedule. I lost all idea of purpose. I would go days without leaving my apartment. And, I missed almost a whole year. If it were a drink...unemployment would have been half empty with only a little bit of goodness at the bottom. So, the blog didn't really chronicle my adventures in unemployment. I apologize.

But wait, you caught on to the fact that I speak of unemployment in the past tense? That's right bitches...I started a new job today. It fell in my lap and I did little to no work to get it. Before anyone who is unemployed stops following me or gets all pissy because I did very little to break the unemployment trend...take satisfaction in knowing that it is temporary. It is a four month program that I was asked to help start up. It is somewhat impossible to sum up my first day. I was busy, but didn't even have an assigned desk and didn't even know what my actual title was until about noonish. So, we will see.

The good news for you is that I will have some fucking awesome CTA stories to share. I basically travel the length of the red line to get to work. On the way home, while waiting for the train, I was approached by a man who looked about my age. He said, "you got a man at home?" I said, "Yes," which is a lie but who wants to tell a stranger on the train platform, "nope...I'm single. I've been that way for a little while now." I will answer that...no one. Anyway, he then said, "well, it won't hurt if we are friends." I, for some unknown reason, entertained this and said, "no, it won't hurt." He responded, "well, it might a little." I put my iPod ear buds in at that point.

Later bitches. I have to get to be because I have to be at work tomorrow. Weird.

crazy loves to party

At about 11 o'clock this morning, I was riding a nearly empty bus downtown on my way to run some errands. I was settled in to my favorite seat on the bus (yes, I have favorites...don't judge) and was enjoying my Starbucks coffee and the peace of the quiet bus....when the doors opened at the next stop.

In busts a woman who loudly announces, "Let's get this party started!" She continues down the aisle dancing the whole way. She stopped a few times, stepped back, and continued on dancing. "Parrrrrrtyyyyy!" she sang. Awesome right? But wait, it gets more awesome. She chooses the seat directly next to me (despite the fact that there were only about five other riders and a plethora of open seats) and instructs me to dance, "walk it out," and "shake that body." While I appreciated her enthusiasm, I don't think that 11:00am or the 145 is the time or place to "get the party started."

So, sadly, her efforts were in vein. The party never got started; however, there is always tomorrow...or the next bus.

2010-1981 does not 35 make

Yesterday afternoon I rode the L home and overheard the conversation below. It's probably a little more fun if I set the stage.

I am not a good judge of age. Hell, you could be 15 or 25 in my book. 30 or 52. I don't know. I've never been able to tell how old people were. When I waited tables, I thankfully rested on the "gotta card everyone" policy. I would have accidentally served minors all day long had I not been required to check. I just can't tell.

Flash forward to my L ride. Three girls get on a stop after me. No clue how old they are. I notice them, though, because they are making a hell of a lot of noise. Talking loudly. Laughing. Generally shattering the quietness that existed before their entrance onto the train car. So, I can't help but stare at them. (It's a bad habit.) They look like my age. I guess. But, there are a few things off. I had a strong feeling these girls were definitely NOT my age. Well, the one girl is talking with a really pronounced lisp. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a lisp and I guess adults have them. But, this girls was REALLY pronounced. Her friend, looked normal until you got to her waist. She was wearing a black (faded) cotton knee length skirt with giant flowers on it....OVER jeans. On her feet? Crocs. Not just any Crocs, but ones with those decorations in the little holes. A flower. A heart. And, a teddy bear holding a basket ball. Something was telling me these loud ass girls were not my age. Then, it happened. This...

girl 1: so, wait, when was he born?
girl 2: 88.
girl 3: yeah, and she was born in 90. she just thinks he is too old.
girl 1: that is only like 2 years.
girl 2: i know!
girl 3: so, when were you born? 88?
girl 2: (laughing) NO! 90.
girl 1: oh, i thought you were older then that.
girl 3: me too.
girl 2: (laughing harder) NO!
girl 3: so when was matt born?
girl 2: 81...oh my gosh...i mean 91! oh my gosh!
(laughing uncontrollably)
girl 1: 81! he would be like 35!
girl 3: yeah, he'd have like gray hair!
girl 2: oh my gosh I can't believe I said 81. no! that would be old. he was born in 91.

the girls continue to laugh very uncontrollably and blurt out things like "81!" or "oh my gosh!"

END SCENE

I laughed to myself (very visibly while shaking my head) and looked up to find the girl directly across from me doing the same. She then mouthed "I feel old." I didn't feel old. What I did feel was a strong urge to stand up and say, "Excuse me. First, if Matt was born in 1981 he would be 28. Not 35. And, 28 is NOT OLD!"

I didn't. I just held in the mouth vomit and got off at the next stop. Which was not an attempt to be dramatic, but because it was my stop. It would have been slightly awesome if I threw my scarf around my neck and said, "I've had enough of this," as I exited the train and waited for the next one.

So, moral of the story is: I may be getting better at determining age then I was in the past. It has nothing to do with getting "old." And, these children need to get themselves to a math class. Stat. 2010-1981 does not 35 make!


P.S. In a slightly related story. I took the bus home from the train because it was raining. It was rather crowded so I had to sit next to someone. I would have done anything for a sign like this: