a little bit of nothing and a whole lot of other stuff

Who lost all knowledge of how to juggle a life and work? This girl. I was basically off the grid last week. This work thing is much more time consuming than I remembered. With nine or so hour days and a commute that is over an hour both ways...I am spent when I get home. I look at the clock and cry a little on the inside knowing that I have only about three hours to do shit before I need to go to bed if I want to sleep for 8 hours. And who has slept for 8 hours every night this week? Not this girl. I've been rockin' like 6 or 6.5. Totally unlike me and the cause of my marathon sleep session on Saturday.

I have good news to report though. I am totally digging my job. I know it is temporary and I know that I have only been there a week and a day, but I like it. I tried to enter this work experience with a different attitude and approach than I have ever really taken before...and it is working. I do think I have always been a relatively good employee (see: awesome), but I think this new approach I am taking is making me happier and an even better employee and coworker. So yeah. I like what I am doing. The program is totally awesome and I just know it will make some monumental changes in the lives of others. I'm sad that it is temporary and sort of a band-aid fix for the clients we are working with...but, change doesn't happen overnight and it is often about small victories.

Anyway, in my last post I went on and on about how I didn't do much during work sabbatical. (Yes, I realized it wasn't a sabbatical. It just sounds so much nicer than unemployment.) I feel the need to share the things that I did get to do with my time off that I may not have shared with you...

• Got a library card
• Hung curtains in my room
• Watched the 5th season of Weeds
• Returned to being a brunette after spending four months as a blonde
• Rearranged the furniture in my apartment 3 times
• Finished a photo album I've been working on for at least 3 years
• Learned to fold origami cranes
• Hung pictures on my walls
• Used my sewing machine
• Got a second tattoo
• Sat in the audience for a taping of Oprah
• Watched seasons 1-3 of 30 Rock
• Began painting one nail off
• Went on some bad dates
• Read A Million Little Pieces (and loved it)
• Took a yoga class
• Downloaded a shit ton of music
• Drank a lot of wine
• Visited my dad for over a week...which I haven't done since perhaps middle school
• Ended a friendship
• Went on long walks in the city
• Memorized my library card number
• Hung out with my high school best friend
• Went to a candy convention
• Made almost all my Christmas presents by hand
• Threw up in a cab (it was New Year's Eve...give me that)
• Installed my window air conditioner all by myself
• Met one of my new favorite bloggers for drinks and Mexican food
• Rode on the back of a scooter for the first time
• Realized I don't hate all salad dressings
• Went to Wisconsin
• Helped my mom do flowers for a wedding
• Met Craig Ferguson
• Talked on the phone for hours to my best friend
• Learned who my real friends are
• Bought a plant for my apartment, so I was not the only living thing here
• Ordered spray paint online
• Went to a St. Louis Cardinals game
• Saw Michal Jackson's childhood home
• Got taken care of by my mom
• Made coffee at home
• Started this blog

So, I did a whole bunch of nothing...but, I also did a whole lot of stuff too. I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't be happy if I didn't have to set my alarm in the morning, but I am glad to be where I am right now. I don't think I can ask for much more.

P.S. I have an AMAZING CTA story for you, but you will have to wait a few days. A girl can only write so much when she is trying to get adequate sleep.

he stepped out of the shadows...

...and into the hallway. To be fair it may be more appropriate to say he stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway. That's right, friends. I saw my motherfucking vomiting neighbor. Now, if you haven't been reading my blog since I started writing or you haven't gone back and read the archives (shame on you), you must read this post about my vomit-tastic neighbor.

Now that you have read aforementioned blog post, you understand why this is a big deal. I've lived in this apartment for over a year now. I lived next door to the most vomiting person on the planet and I've never seen him. Not once. Never have we passed in the hallway, taken the elevator together (what, I live on the third floor and take the elevator...deal with it)...we have never seen each other...that is until this morning. I got up to go do some impulse spending at Walgreens and grab a cup of coffee. Upon my return I got to my door and his door swings open. I almost wanted to turn my head to the side so I couldn't see the man behind the...vomit veil....let's run with it and pretend it makes sense. I couldn't resist though. I looked right into his throw up eyes and responded when he said hello. And you can bet your sweet ass it took everything in me not to blurt out, "So, what the fuck is up with all the throwing up? I mean seriously. Not only are you seriously playing with the health of your esophagus and teeth, but I am worried about my plumbing." 80% worried about my plumbing 20% worried about his health. Sorry...I don't know him. I have to say though that I was disappointed. In front of me stood a slightly pudgy Asian dude. Totally dorky. And not at all bulimic looking. He had hair, that needed cutting, pretty much ruling out the chemotherapy theory.

So, I am sort of pissed at him for letting me see him. He has ruined the magic. Now every time he throws up with the violence that I have come to know and expect....I will see he dorky ass vomit face and it will be slightly less funny.

Why vomiter? (Yep, you are downgraded to a lower case letter) Why did you ruin my throw up dreams?

if there was any one thing that could make me smile...it would be this

Just in case you were concerned that I missed this amazing little nugget of news:

PHILADELPHIA — A New Jersey man is facing charges after police say he intentionally vomited on an 11-year-old girl and her father in the stands during a Phillies game…

Police say Clemmens made himself vomit on an off-duty police captain and his daughter after a companion was kicked out for unruly behavior.

I didn't. One word: AMAZING!

for rent

I got some rockin' news slipped under my door the other day. Yeah, they came to my house to deliver it! If you are thinking that I got a big check with my name on it and cameras and balloons, you may want to stop reading. You will be terribly disappointed.


Anyway, I got my lease renewal. I know what you are thinking, "It's January. Your lease doesn't end until May. Why so early?" I don't have an answer for that. I thought it was weird too. But, when I opened the package they slid under the door I was hit in the face with some awesome news. First, if I return the lease renewal by February 1st, I will get half off May's rent. And, here comes the best news of all. Sit down. My rent is GOING DOWN! Yeah! When does that ever happen? I know, like, never!

I am taking this as a sign that good things are coming down the pike and not just in the form of $2o extra a month. (This does mean that I will have to potentially endure another year of the vomiter, but I think I am okay with that.)

old chapters

I've written before about privacy and how it has evolved in our lifetime. I don't know my neighbors' names. I never even met them. I mean, clearly if I had met them I would have an answer to what was up with all the vomiting that happens next door. But, alas, I've never met nor do I know anything about them. Not one thing. Well, besides all the vomiting. What I do know are the stories of people I've never met before. I knew when Georgina found out she was pregnant with a girl. I knew when David decided to return to life as a manwhore. I knew when Lilu's B peed on the cat. I knew when Lexa was called a glorified secretary. And, I know a lot more...about a lot of other people....people I've never met before. All compliments of our friend the interweb.

Problem is, I also know a lot about people I have met. I know stuff I never wanted to know. And, it was a couple of weeks ago that the book of faces let me down again by allowing me to find out information I never needed to know.


I'm not quite sure why it bothered me so much. But, as soon as I saw it I immediately shut the laptop. Apparently shutting the laptop would make it go away. I looked around as if to find out if anyone else saw what I saw. Why book of faces? Why? Why did you allow this to pop up on my news feed?

I had never been in a relationship like the one I was in with him. I hated and loved him with more intensity then anyone I had ever met before. I believe the feeling was mutual. We were too young and too intense. We fought. We saw each other way too often. We probably made each other miserable. And, we couldn't get enough of each other. I remember one night we were in a bar and his friend turned to me and said, "He really does love you. I don't know what he would do without you. He seriously loves you more then you know." The funny thing was that we were celebrating my new job. My new job in another city. The new job I looked for, in another city, to get away from him. He was toxic for me.

It was the intensity that I loved though. It was the intensity that caused this seemingly short lived romance to live way beyond its shelf life.

He use to say we were going to be together forever. He would talk about our children and the kind of mother I would be to them. He told me he loved me and never wanted to be without me. He said he was more in love with me each morning when he woke up next to me...on account of my messy hair and snuggly nature. He drank more then any person I knew. He lied when I confronted him about cheating on me. He never introduced me to his mother. He turned away from me when I cried. And, he left when he promised he would be in the waiting room when I got out.

He cemented my fears that people would turn away from me. He made my suspicions reality. He made me feel more unlovable than I thought possible.

It was years ago. And, I wasn't perfect. I didn't deserve to be treated as I was, but I didn't treat myself well either. I kept returning. I went back for more. I forgave and pretended to forget. I looked the other way and only discussed my concerns for him in anger. He was young. He was hurting his body in ways I didn't even allow myself to acknowledge. His choices were clouded by abuse that he put his body through. It wasn't a free pass. He should not receive a pardon for it, but I should have rested my case and given in. I should have stopped looking for love from someone who couldn't even treat themselves well.

The announcement of his marriage made me sad. Sad that I allowed myself to be hurt so badly by someone. Sad that he didn't want to treat me better. Sad that I believed the untruths I told myself in response to his behavior. Sad that I couldn't "win" by appearing to come out on top.

The sadness faded though. I reminded myself we were young. He hurt me, but I don't believe it was intentional. We didn't know how to treat each other. And, I probably hurt him as well. He wasn't a terrible person. He was funny. He was loyal. And, he could be incredibly loving when he wanted to be. It wasn't me. We just didn't work. And, we were kids. We needed to grow up. Move away. Make more mistakes. And learn to love ourselves.

So, I sent him a message. I told him that he looked really happy and I congratulated him. He didn't respond and I think I am okay with that. In the past I would have been crushed by his lack of response. I had and still have this strong desire to be on good terms with him. He once occupied space in my heart and a piece of him will always remain a tenant. But, relationships don't get their loose ends tied up nicely. The frayed ends linger until you can accept them and understand why the end is much harder to define then the beginning. An email would not have given me closure because what I realized was that I found it long ago. He will always hold a place in my life story, but I am chapters beyond what we were. I got closure long ago. I was just reminded that it comes in your heart and not an email or a moment in time.

The other plus about having closure is that today I can totally laugh when I retell the story about how he peed in my bed. And how I told the dry cleaner that the dog peed on my down comforter because I didn't quite know how to say, "my boyfriend peed on this" and look her in the eye. Let's hope he has learned to keep his drinking bladder under control or that he and his new wife registered for a plastic mattress protector. Bitchy much? Yes, yes I am.

Really?

I'd like to think that most people preparing to use a toilet in a place where this sign is posted have, in fact, used indoor plumbing in the past. Is this a problem? Do owners of public toilets have to deal with the hassles of cleaning up after people that are fishing in the toilet? Or, marking it like a dog?

I will argue with the makers of this sign that two of the improper uses are actually the correct way to use a toilet, if you are 1) a guy, or 2) throwing up.

It's a little chunky...

It's time to get serious here.

I'm not even sure how I haven't blogged about this before. Perhaps it has become as natural and normal as breathing that I forgot to mention it. Perhaps I was trying to avoid talking (or blogging) about it. It can be somewhat of a taboo topic for some...I guess some people just get uncomfortable. But, I can't let it go unmentioned anymore. It is time to talk about the elephant in the room (or the next room in this case). That's right, boys and girls, I'm talking about my neighbor. The vomiter.


Side note: I was enjoying that build up and could have gone one much longer. I love that it made it sound like I was about to reveal some deep dark secret or something. Mwuh-haha...I laugh and tap my fingertips together. I fooled you this time.

Okay, a little background. So, I moved into my apartment at the end of March this year. My apartment leasing company was awesome enough to allow me to move in early since April 1st was in the middle of the week and it is much nicer to move on a weekend...when friends are off of work. Anyway, I moved out of a house that I lovingly call The Orphanage after living there for about a year and a half. It was very fittingly called The Orphanage, as in the year and a half that I lived there I had a total of eight roommates. That's right. The front door was definitely revolving. Needless to say, it was nice to finally get my big girl place and be alone for a little while. My first night here was odd. It was so quiet and no one was home...no one would ever be home but me. No one was there to say goodnight to me or turn out the light if I fell asleep with them on. It was just me in my quiet little....WHAT THE FUCK? Suddenly I heard the most violent vomiting that I've ever heard. And trust me, I've heard some violent vomiters. I used to asked my friend Stacey to quiet her vomiting when I was hung over because it was too loud and making me sick. No, no, this vomiting...the vomiting I heard on my first solo night in my apartment blew all other vomiters out of the water (the toilet water). This vomit was intense. As I lay in bed unsure of whether I am disgusted, impressed, or concerned I think to myself, "Wow, someone had a bad night." Without much more thought about it I rolled over and went to sleep. Yay new apartment.

I woke up the next day still super pumped about my new place. I had all but forgotten about the vomiter. I was too excited to be in my new place. Yes it was a big change, but one I had been looking forward to for a while. I spent the first day running errands, unpacking, and enjoying my new space. As I am sure everyone knows, moving is exhausting. My first weekend in my new place was not spent going out and celebrating. No, it was spent unpacking and going to bed early. So, I snuggled into bed for my second night in my new place and began slowly drifting off to...WHAT THE FUCK?!? He's back. Seriously dude, AA much?

What I learn was that the events (i.e. vomiting) of that first weekend were not going to be isolated. This dude meant serious business. Serious vomiting business. I came to learn that his vomiting didn't follow any schedule. Nope. He vomited in the day. Sometimes early evening. Sometimes at night. He wasn't time discriminatory. He lived to vomit on no man's schedule. The only thing that was habitual about the vomiting was the frequency and the rhythm. Oh yeah, three big hurls at least once a day. Every time. Always the same. Huwahck. Huwahck. Huwahck. Done. (Yes, h-u-w-a-h-c-k. That is how you spell the noise made by a vomiter. Look it up.)

The vomiter has become quite the legend amongst friends and family. Everyone knows about him. We all have our own theories as to what is causing this chronic vomiting. Alcoholism. Terrible gag reflex when brushing his teeth. Chemo therapy. Bulimia. Weak stomach. There are so many theories. All I know is that this guy is a mystery. Like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster. I've never seen him. I've been living next to the dude for over six months now and have not seen him once. I really am beginning to wonder if he is he even real? It isn't just me though. I've had witnesses here to experience the vomiting. It is always the same combination of shock and amazement.

Okay, the other day I was awake at about 6am and he was up to his old vomiting ways when I realized that if I stood at my peep hole long enough I would probably see him exit his apartment. I couldn't bring myself to do it though. It is almost like how you don't want to know to real identity of a superhero. Next time I heard him vomit would be like the Christmas after you find out that there is no Santa Claus. It isn't even worth waking up at 5am to see what your mom bought you at the mall. It ruins the magic.

I did have a friend say that I needed to find out what he looked like because what would happen if I hooked up with someone and it turned out that the person I hooked up with was the vomiter. I shot this down pretty quickly because the fatal flaw is that I am pretty sure if I hook up with someone, regardless of whether it is my apartment or theirs....one of us would be all, "Hey, weird. We are neighbors." I would quickly gasp and be all, "Hey, weird. You vomit like all the time. What's up with that?"

In a way I feel like we are a match made in heaven. I once had a friend tell me that I spend like 60% of my time fake throwing up...this vomiter has given me so many more ways to work vomiting into conversation and to do some fake throwing up.

So, in a way, I guess I should really thank the Vomiter (that's right, he deserve a capital letter now) for all that he has done for me. Thank you Vomiter, you complete me. You had me at Huwahck....

#1: The Biggest Loser

I have to admit that I struggled with who to give the coveted Worst Date Ever award to. I've had so many winners...and by winners I totally mean losers. It wasn't all that the guys were losers. They weren't. Some of them were, in fact, very nice. We were just very not right for each other. Unfortunately, I've gone out on more dates that were bad than were good. I guess it would make sense though given that I am neither married or in a long term relationship. This is also not to say that I haven't gone on some amazingly wonderful dates. I have had my fair share, but it is always more fun to talk about the terrible ones in hide sight than the ones that made me go home and talk to my best friend and tell her how much I really liked the guy. This is also because I (to date) have not ended up with said guy, so I feel I have license to spill about the bad ones.

Anyway, as I was saying, I struggled to come up with Worst Date Ever. I really was leaning toward the date that ended with the guy telling me that I made him feel like a prostitute. Real fast, we had gone on several dates. I was never quite sure about him. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something not right. What I realized after....well, I made him feel like a prostitute and we didn't see each other again was that he was trying to sleep with me hard core on each of our dates. The irony of all of this is amazing. On our first date he drove me home and then said he might be too drunk to drive. I said that it was good I live in a neighborhood where it is really easy to get a cab. He then asked if I had a couch he could sleep on. I wasn't buying it. I responded, "not one you can sleep on." The second date we went to a show and went back to his apartment. He again gave the too drunk to drive excuse and said that I should just spend the night. No. I told him I was fine taking a cab. When he realized I wasn't budging, he agreed to take me home. On our third and final date we went out to dinner (it was BYOB and he brought a bottle of wine) and then went to a bar. He came up to my apartment and we did a little...adult stuff. Nothing crazy. It would just not be in a PG movie...or a PG-13 movie. I know it would make it into an R rated movie...they let anything go now a days. Anyway, midway through I started to realize I was very drunk and he needed to leave. I was not okay laying on the bathroom floor or resting my head against the toilet while he was there, so I told him he needed to leave. I apologized and said I really didn't feel good. Apparently my mistake was not throwing up in front of him to prove I didn't feel good. Despite another apology the next day and an explanation, he still said (and this is a direct quote), "for a second there, I kind of knew what it felt like to be a prostitute." Give me a break. Needless to say we didn't see each other again.

But no, he was not the Worst Date Ever. Close. But, he just gets an Honorable Mention. No, the Worst Date Ever happened on a little night called Election Night.

I have to make two disclaimers before I tell about this date:

1. If you are in anyway related to me, for both of our sake, stop reading and skip to the next post. This is information neither you nor me will be happy you know about. While I am not about to spread all my business up on the internet, it is still more than you need to know about me. I am still the sweet and innocent person you know me to be. Don't let this disclaimer cause you to think otherwise. I'm just saying. It is in our mutual best interest if you don't continue reading. And, I would like to be able to look you in the eyes (and vice versa) at future family functions. So, move ahead. You will thank me for the information you do not know.
   
2. This date perhaps was not the all time worst, but it goes on record for me as #1 because I will never be able to shake the memory of this date. It will haunt me. It will cause me to have to lie to my children. It is a moment in time I will never get to relive or experience. That's right...get ready.

We had been on a few dates at this point, but I have a habit of making dates on holidays. I don't even know how it happens. I guess since I don't have family that lives in town, I sort of skip over them in my mind. I end up making plans and then realizing it was a holiday. I've gone on dates on Easter, Father's Day, MLK Day, 4th of July (twice), Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Election Day.

I live in Chicago. I lived in Chicago during the 2008 Presidential Election. It was the most significant political moment of my lifetime. And, I was on a date. We went to dinner, but I had election fever and said I really wanted to get to a television to see the results as the polls came in. He obliged and we went to his apartment. His awesome apartment on like the 35th floor of a building with views of the Sear's Tower and the John Hancock Building. Just a few blocks away from Grant Park....where all the action was taking place.

When my children ask me where I was when the country elected our first African American President, what am I supposed to say? How do I tell them that I didn't really see it?

I will leave you with this very funny Saturday Night Live clip. Believe what you wish.

#3: Small Bar...Long Date

In the movies people on dates always have some escape plan. They have a friend call and they answer it stating there has been some emergency and they need to leave. There are a few flaws with this plan:

1. It's pretty rude to answer your phone mid date. And, your date will be clued in to the fact that you aren't giving them your full attention if you are answering calls from anybody and everybody.
   
2. You would have to be pretty comfortable lying because it's got to be something really off the wall to require you to leave in the middle of the date.
3. You also have to be comfortable with your date knowing deep down you are lying....because seriously, you didn't forget an appointment or your roommate doesn't need you home for some emergency...

So you see, while in theory it seems like a flawless plan to have an out in the event that a date isn't going so well...it isn't practical. Which leads me to the longest date ever.


Okay, it wasn't the actual longest. I've oddly been on some marathon dates. Longest date at this point has been 9 hours. (I know. Don't ask.) Anyway, this date just seemed to drag on forever because I didn't have an out. And, going by the flaws listed above in the escape plan, I'm not so good at #3. I don't know how to make an exit. I don't know how to wrap things up when they aren't going well. To this guys credit, he wasn't terrible. I just wasn't feeling it.

We met up at this bar in Chicago, which is supposedly the smallest bar in the city- Matchbox. It is teeny tiny. No room inside. It is basically- wall, bar, stools, wall. There was an outside area, which we sat in. For the record, I don't like sitting outside. For the sake of trying to keep a hold on my rambliness, I will go over that at a later date.

Anyway, we sat down at about 5pm and ordered drinks. I knew right away there was no connection at all. I felt like I was on an interview or something, which generally means you don't want to make out afterwards. We talked about all kinds of first date stuff- where we were from, where we went to school, what jobs we have done, etc. I was out of topics of conversation. It was about 5:30pm or 6pm. I was hoping he was feeling the same way because there was no sake in continuing this. No. He said, "Let's order food. I am starving."

What do you do? How do you tell someone you aren't having a good time and that a free meal isn't even worth staying? Do you stay?

In my case I did. To save you on the long drawn out details, I will share that the date continued until 10pm. I lost all filter and didn't follow rules on "things that shouldn't be discussed on a first date." We talked about gross youtube videos, throwing up, seeing eye ponies, conjoined twins, kittens, nose bleeds, traveling, Fraggle Rock, and a lot of other ridiculousness.

When the meal was over, drinks were drank, and we still sat there...it verged on miserable. I would like to believe that he too was wanting to leave, but neither of us knew quite how to make an exit. Perhaps it is the Achilles heel of being too polite. Eventually at 10pm, I felt it was reasonable to say, "Man, I should go home. I have to be at work early tomorrow." That just didn't seem like an option at 8pm. He quickly agreed.

I'm not sure we hugged. We definitely didn't kiss. We said goodbye and both knew, we weren't going out again. I'm pretty sure it was the throw up talk that tipped the scales. And, I'd like to take credit for that one.

i'm not gonna make it in today

Sometimes when I get really bored I make up lists. It is a strange practice, I know. I'll give you an example: one day I had a terrible day at work and the train was overly crowded and I was generally in a funk...I made a choice to turn that funk around by making up a list of things I hate. I know that it seems odd, but as I wrote about hating when people take up two seats on the train, stubbing my toe, doing dishes by hand, people who pronounce really common words incorrectly, porta-potties, people who say they aren't hungry anymore after finding a hair in their food, etc....I started to feel better. You see, I just started laughing at all these things that got me fired up and I was suddenly in a better mood.

Well, when I was working I would frequently find myself with too much time on my hands. I prefer to be very busy at work because the stillness becomes mind numbing. I would often pass the time sending emails and surfing the internet. One day I was dreaming of being at home, so I decided to start a list of reasons one would give for not going to work. I decided to also include reasons for being late. And, I have to credit my friends because this list was emailed around and added to throughout the day.



So, next time you can't quite make it in to work...feel free to take one from the vault:

1. Throwing up
2. Migraine
3. Fever
4. Power went out
5. No hot water
6. Roommate went to the hospital
7. Dog threw up (won't stop)
8. "Not feeling well"
9. Family member ill
10. Insomnia the night before
11. Basement flooded
12. Car won't start (wouldn't work for me)
13. Dog ran away
14. Cat ran away
15. Friend had a baby
16. Stomach pains
17. up all night coughing
18. Toilet overflowing and have to wait for a plumber
19. Gas leak at house
20. "Personal emergency"
21. Stomach flu
22. Cramps/ heavy flow
23. Not safe to leave the house
24. Stalker
25. Car vandalized
26. Car accident
27. in jail
28. Abducted by aliens
29. Held for ransom
30. Lost
31. Hung over
32. Don’t feel like working
33. Doctor's appointment
34. Abortion
35. Food poisoning
36. Protesting
37. Panic attack
38. Religious holiday
39. Dizzy
40. Passed out in the shower
41. "Not feelin' it"
42. Diarrhea
43: parents surprised me with coming in town
44: pet died
45: dumped the night before
46: updating my resume
47: job interview
48: I might have swine flu
49. Sprained my ankle
50. I have other plans

P.S. 90% of these are a joke, but some asshole on the internet decided to write an article about how to properly call out...weird.

oh, i'm jumping on that bandwagon

so, i recently started this whole blog thing. one may not know it based off of the excessive number of posts i've made in the past few days; however, if one were truly following the blog one would know that i am unemployed and have more time than the average person on my hands.

anyway, i stumbled across a jewel of a blog today: The Rest is Still Unwritten. seriously, this dude is amazing. besides the fact that he is an amazingly raw, real, and emotional writer...he is super cute. but really, you don't even need to see his picture to love this guy. the way he writes and the things he says make you (or at least me anyway) want to be loved by him. perhaps i am crazy. all i'm sayin' is just read his blog before you judge.

he wrote this post where he shared 101 things about him. it was chock full of random facts about him...stuff most people wouldn't know. now, if you know me really well, you know that i have a book on my coffee table that is basically this same principle, "Dailey Dose of Emily." (P.S. the first entry is that i can not spell...i know that daily was misspelled.) but, i was inspired to write more. or to try to at least. perhaps there will be some repetition, but just as my new blog crush i will attempt to be completely honest...rolling funny, sad, shocking, scary, silly, and the like all into one.

1. i was voted Best Personality in high school, but i am afraid to go to my reunion because i don't think anyone will remember me. the truth is that i only really won because so many people got nominated that i was the one with the majority...it wasn't overwhelming though.

2. i have in irrational fear of peeing my pants. when a bathroom is not immediately accessible i suddenly have an overwhelming urge to pee. (for the record i have not peed myself in over two decades)

3. i remember the night we moved out of the house we shared with my dad. my mom's friend's yelled at me for having so much shit under my bed. really? was that the appropriate thing to do to a young kid who really didn't know they were moving?

4. i wanted a SkipIt so bad in third grade. all the cool girls had them on the playground.

5. i never got one.

6. i one upped them and got a boyfriend.

7. i get ridiculously excited about buying new panties and have spent more money at victoria's secret than i should admit to.

8. my mom didn't know that my new year's resolution in high school to "stop falling asleep on the bathroom floor" had nothing to do with me working late hours and everything to do with me smoking pot.

9. my brother, cousins, and i made up this story about a dead dog that was kept under the bed at my grandmother's house. we use to try to get my youngest cousin (who wasn't in on secret) to stick her hand down the side of the bed to touch it. we laughed when she wouldn't and started crying.

10. i've never cheated on someone.

11. i've been cheated on more times than i would like to think about.

12. i wonder if it is me or that i have terrible taste in guys.

13. i always won the sit and reach competition in school.

14. i secretly wouldn't mind being a stay at home mom.

15. my dad has told both my brother and i at one point that we were adopted. he probably kept the joke alive longer than necessary- neither of us really are adopted.

16. i am really good at fake crying.

17. i've always said that i would marry a guy if he bought me breyer's mint chocolate chip ice cream.

18. i go so far out of my way to make my partner happy that i probably turn them away.

19. my parents have told me that when i was a kid and we would eat at this one particular restaurant all i would order and eat was cole slaw

20. i have memories of cheating on a spelling test in first grade.

21. i memorized the homeless people on my route home from work and would get worried when i didn't see them...i was afraid something happened to them.

22. i went to europe for five weeks in college. i got really homesick even though i was with by brother and his best friend. and i did go to school anywhere near "home," so it didn't really make sense.

23. i've never ridden a horse.

24. i loaned an ex-boyfriend $500 to pay for his DUI lawyer because he couldn't stop drinking and save money. he never fully paid me back. surprise.

25. my heart melts when guys kiss me on my forehead.

26. i talked to my dog alfie as if he were going to respond.

27. i drank about a bottle and a half of vodka when we put him to sleep.

28. i still miss him.

29. when i see a large grassy hill or field i have this overwhelming urge to take off running toward it.

30. i giggle if someone farts in the stall next to me.

31. if i see something in a store that i like...i touch it.

32. i miss my brothers more than they know.

33. college was the first school i went to for more three years.

34. i got a tattoo with my best friend because we were eating breakfast and couldn't think of anything else to do that day.

35. i never throw away the fortunes from fortune cookies. i think it is bad luck.

36. i've spent the entire day in a towel watching tv because i was too lazy to put on clothes after a shower.

37. on two occasions i called in sick to work saying that the dog was throwing up...the dog was not throwing up.

38. i have no gall bladder, well, except for the stuffed one my friend bought me.

39. my heart still beats fast when i watch My So Called Life and Jordan Catalano grabs Angela's hand in the hallway so that everyone can see.

40. i once told a doctor i was 16 after he asked my age. i was 18. i don't even know why i said it.

41. it still makes me happy when Rerun jumps on the back of the truck at the end of the credits for What's Happening!!

42. i recognize it would make more sense for the punctuation after What's Happening to be a question mark, but the show uses two exclamation points.

43. i think i started experiencing major depression in high school. my parent's thought i was just being overly dramatic and perhaps i did too. all i know is that i couldn't make it stop.

44. my parents never talked about God at home, so i become really uncomfortable talking about him with other people. i just don't know if i think it is one of those things you should talk about or just let it be private.

45. out of stubbornness i peed in a trashcan because my older brother wouldn't get off of the toilet. i could have used another bathroom. (i was probably 7 years old for the record)

46. i bite the inside of my cheek when i am nervous.

47. after my first kiss the boy tried to do much more. he didn't care that i said no.

48. i have more pillows on my bed than any one person needs.

49. i really only use two to sleep with. i like the rest there to make the bed feel more full.

50. i started skiing when i was four years old.

51. i sometimes felt hypocritical working at a domestic violence shelter when i continued to ignore what happened in my own family.

52. i become more passionate talking about domestic violence than probably anything else i ever talk about.

53. i worry more than i let on that no one really loves me.

54. i moved to nashville because a boy broke my heart.

55. i told a boy i was dating he was gay...because he was. he cried and said he was scared. i held his hand.

56. he is my friend today, but i probably still love him.

57. i can drink most guys under the table.

58. i never turn down a free shot.

59. i started wearing a bra before any of the other girls in my class. i was really embarrassed about having boobs and didn't want anyone to know.

60. i still sometimes think my boobs are overwhelming.

61. i secretly find it sexy when guys smoke.

62. some of my most fond memories of my mom are from when she was sick and i would crawl in bed with her. i felt like she really needed and wanted me there.

63. some days i can't get out of bed. i would like to...i just don't know how.

64. i never told anyone how abandoned i felt after they said they would be there for me...and weren't. it was as if everyone left me alone at that doctor's office.

65. i feel much safer on a plane when the flight attendants are walking around. when i was younger and afraid to fly. i would push the attendant call button just to make them get up and walk over to me. i knew that if we were crashing they wouldn't do that.

66. i am almost always running low on or out of toilet paper.

67. i don't know how to whistle or snap my fingers.

68. i didn't dissect animals in middle school because the "cool" girls weren't doing it. i wasn't really all that grossed out.

69. i want to be swept off my feet by someone who loves me in a hoodie and yoga pants.

70. i give a pretty good back massage.

71. i know i really like someone if i'm not nervous to be naked in front of them.

72. i use to write fake diary entries when i was little because my stepsister wanted to read what i wrote.

73. i started watching soap operas when i was nine. i got hooked because my grandfather watched them. whenever we would see each other we would talk about the latest love triangles.

74. i've never had anyone really close to me die. i am terrified for it to happen.

75. i have a box labeled "stuff only i care about." it couldn't be more true.

76. i had a troll collection when i was a kid. it is rather embarrassing how large it was.

77. what is even more embarrassing is that i can't bring myself to get rid of any of them.

78. i've never stolen anything, well that i can remember.

79. i regularly wonder if my friends really like me because i have a hard time liking myself some times.

80. my hair gets really messy when i sleep and i call it chicken hair. my family has adopted the phrase and we use it as if it is a real word.

81. i always felt like i was compared to my older brother growing up and that i could never be as good as he was. i spent a lot of time trying to be like him but never feeling like i measured up. what i am now realizing is that there was no "as good as" because we are just different people...you can't measure us like that.

82. i am excited to move into an assisted living community one day. i can't wait to just hang out with my friends and do nothing.

83. i think breakfast for dinner is a cop out and when i have a family of my own i will not make them eat it.

84. there is nothing sexier than waking up in the middle of the night next to someone and continuing as if you never went to sleep.

85. the thought of living in the suburbs now scares me.

86. when i'm in a relationship, i never do the whole "i've got a headache" thing.

87. my mom, brother, and i lived in a trailer park for a few months after my parents separated.

88. i don't usually know how to back down in a argument.

89. i had two imaginary friends growing up.

90. peppy party was the main one.

91. amy was the other. she was my sister. she lived in florida, but was dead because she smoked cigarettes.

92. i obviously had an overactive imagination when i was younger.

93. i convinced by older brother to flood our upstairs bathroom with me when i was about four or five. i have no idea why i was doing it...or why he went along.

94. my mom says she had trouble yelling at me when i was a kid because i would just laugh and she couldn't keep a straight face.

95. i don't really sound like an adult on the phone.

96. although i am extremely indecisive, when i make a decision i firmly believe in it and rarely ever waiver.

97. watching the videos from when my little brother was on tour with his band make me realize he is probably cooler than me.

98. i don't always wash my hands in a public restroom. for some reason, i think it makes them dirtier. for that reason i try to always carry hand sanitizer.

99. i think pigeons are beautiful.

100. when i hold hands with someone i want my hand to be on the bottom.

101. there are people out there that probably don't know it, but they saved my life.