#3: Small Bar...Long Date

In the movies people on dates always have some escape plan. They have a friend call and they answer it stating there has been some emergency and they need to leave. There are a few flaws with this plan:

1. It's pretty rude to answer your phone mid date. And, your date will be clued in to the fact that you aren't giving them your full attention if you are answering calls from anybody and everybody.
   
2. You would have to be pretty comfortable lying because it's got to be something really off the wall to require you to leave in the middle of the date.
3. You also have to be comfortable with your date knowing deep down you are lying....because seriously, you didn't forget an appointment or your roommate doesn't need you home for some emergency...

So you see, while in theory it seems like a flawless plan to have an out in the event that a date isn't going so well...it isn't practical. Which leads me to the longest date ever.


Okay, it wasn't the actual longest. I've oddly been on some marathon dates. Longest date at this point has been 9 hours. (I know. Don't ask.) Anyway, this date just seemed to drag on forever because I didn't have an out. And, going by the flaws listed above in the escape plan, I'm not so good at #3. I don't know how to make an exit. I don't know how to wrap things up when they aren't going well. To this guys credit, he wasn't terrible. I just wasn't feeling it.

We met up at this bar in Chicago, which is supposedly the smallest bar in the city- Matchbox. It is teeny tiny. No room inside. It is basically- wall, bar, stools, wall. There was an outside area, which we sat in. For the record, I don't like sitting outside. For the sake of trying to keep a hold on my rambliness, I will go over that at a later date.

Anyway, we sat down at about 5pm and ordered drinks. I knew right away there was no connection at all. I felt like I was on an interview or something, which generally means you don't want to make out afterwards. We talked about all kinds of first date stuff- where we were from, where we went to school, what jobs we have done, etc. I was out of topics of conversation. It was about 5:30pm or 6pm. I was hoping he was feeling the same way because there was no sake in continuing this. No. He said, "Let's order food. I am starving."

What do you do? How do you tell someone you aren't having a good time and that a free meal isn't even worth staying? Do you stay?

In my case I did. To save you on the long drawn out details, I will share that the date continued until 10pm. I lost all filter and didn't follow rules on "things that shouldn't be discussed on a first date." We talked about gross youtube videos, throwing up, seeing eye ponies, conjoined twins, kittens, nose bleeds, traveling, Fraggle Rock, and a lot of other ridiculousness.

When the meal was over, drinks were drank, and we still sat there...it verged on miserable. I would like to believe that he too was wanting to leave, but neither of us knew quite how to make an exit. Perhaps it is the Achilles heel of being too polite. Eventually at 10pm, I felt it was reasonable to say, "Man, I should go home. I have to be at work early tomorrow." That just didn't seem like an option at 8pm. He quickly agreed.

I'm not sure we hugged. We definitely didn't kiss. We said goodbye and both knew, we weren't going out again. I'm pretty sure it was the throw up talk that tipped the scales. And, I'd like to take credit for that one.

time check

yep, that's right. it is after 5am. i am awake. writing a blog. i don't really know how this happened. somehow during this unemployment thing i'm doing this summer i took on the sleeping habits of an infant. societal norms...forget about 'em. i sleep on no man's schedule. well, perhaps a man that works really odd hours. but, it is a terrible schedule we'll just say that.

i've found myself awake well into the night (ehem, morning) for the past several days. it is starting to become a problem. i've shared this concern with others and have received a myriad of advice: just sleep when you are tired, take advantage of it and have fun, just lay there until you fall asleep, go to walgreens and get an over the counter allergy medicine. that last one was from my mother. she said, "it will make you drowsy and if your allergies are bothering you it will help with that too." to which i responded, "my allergies are not bothering me." and she said, "well just try it." coincidentally, my older brother told me that she gave him similar advice. when he informed her his allergies were bad she said, "go to walgreens and get an over the counter sleep aid. it will help your allergies and it will also help you sleep." to which he stated, "i'm not having trouble sleeping." she said, "well your sister is." (what?)

perhaps if my brother and I were conjoined twins it would be a good deal. you know those girls (apparently named Abby and Brittany) with the one body and two heads...well, when one is sick the other has to take the medicine. i heard it when they were on oprah or something.



P.S. i had to put this actual picture in here...not like the school photo hyperlinked above. how can two people ride one bike and get the timing right when I can barely ride a bike and I only have one brain controlling me?

HOLD THE PHONE i just found this picture:





...talk about an awkward place for your twin. "uhm, could you skewtch to the side? i need to pee."

this is meant to be no offense to conjoined twins. in fact, i can't get enough of them.

but really, back to what i was originally saying...perhaps my mom was thinking of this same principle (the Abby and Brittany medicine principle) when she "prescribed" me medication for allergies and my brother medication for sleep...there will be some cross pollination or whatever it does when one person takes a medicine and another feels the benefit. but, P.S. my mother is not a doctor or a pharmacist. you would not know it though by looking at her medicine cabinet, which by the way spills out from the actual medicine cabinet into two others...another one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen. let's just say she is prepared for anything.

anyway, the point is...i can't sleep. i did get really tired today (well, yesterday) at 7:30pm. i decided to seize the opportunity and go to bed. i figured that the worst thing that would happen would be that i would wake up at 6am or something and perhaps get back on a normal schedule. nope. 2am. i was wide awake. so my little plan failed and here i sit writing about how i wish i could be sleeping. oh, and google image searching the hell out of some Abby and Brittany. conjoined twins get me every time.

(oh, and don't believe the time stamp below...it was 4am when i started writing. after a bathroom break. a break to get some water. and, some google image searching...it is 5am)