there's something about mary...

I can be a total anomaly at times. My room is often very messy and unorganized, but when I am working...my desk is immaculate. I am not a fuss and frills sort of girl, but I'd get a manicure every week if I had the money (and this used to be my habit). I prefer when people follow the rules, but I make few for myself. I don't have a daily routine. Sometimes I wash my hair before soaping up and sometimes it is the last thing I do in the shower. There are a great number of things in my life that are unstructured, but if you followed me around for a full day, upon close examination,you'd find that hidden amongst the chaos I create in my life I'm just like everyone else. I'm a creature of habit. True, my morning is anything but routine. I rarely put things back in the place I found them. And, I don't ever get up at the same time in the morning. However, I always walk on the same side of the sidewalk to the train and cross at the exact same place. My grocery list could practically be carved in stone. I always always take the right contact out before the left. And, when I worked, I always took the same routes when traveling to and from work (one for the morning and another after work). Usually I stood on the same spot on the platform and rode the same car each morning and evening. I'd see the same people everyday during my commute- proof that more people fall into the comfort of a routine than would like to admit. The only thing that would change were our outfits.

These people that I saw became part of my environment...I'd expect to see them. When one of the supporting characters in the commuter show was missing, I'd notice and wonder where they went and if they were okay. I would want to know their stories. And sometimes I'd make their stories up in my head. I never knew them though. None of us broke that unspoken code of silence you take when we stepped onto the train. We saw each other every day, but never talked.

It was weird, when I first stopped working, I felt like I had been watching a good television show only to find out that it had been cancelled mid season. Just like that. The world stopped and I would never know what happened to my fellow commuters. Luckily for me, they weren't the only people that were part of my environment. In reality, the cast of the commuter show paled in comparison to Mary.

(actual picture of "Mary")

Mary may not be her real name, but to me it very much is. I don't know where Mary lives. For months it seemed as though she lived on the side walk outside of Walgreens. It was her habit and she wasn't quitting Walgreens any time soon. She would stand there morning and night having deep conversations...with herself. She'd make a good point and she would nod her head in agreement. She would get carried away and she would talk with her hands. Sometimes she took walks. Once, while sitting at the tables outside of Argo tea she spoke to me and my friend. She ran her hands across the smooth metal table next to us and them abruptly looked up and said, "I'm just looking." That was the day she became Mary. We needed a name for her. From that day forward she took on a whole new life in my eyes. I was acutely aware of her and her comings and goings from the Walgreens. Yes, I am aware that she is most likely a very ill woman. That is perhaps what drew me to her even more. I am a social worker at heart and I feel connected to others very easily. I even defended her when a server at a restaurant in the neighborhood said that she was "fake" and that it was "all an act." She apparently frequented the restaurant often and would have others buy her food. (If you are wondering how I got to talking to a server about Mary, it is the same way that I usually step out of a cab knowing the drivers life story...how long he has been married, how many children he has, what he did as a career before driving a cab, etc.)

Mary was no fake. Mary may not be her real name, but everything was totally genuine. From her two toned hair right down to her paint splattered sneakers. No one talks to themselves in public for shits and giggles. No one stands outside day and night for the fun of it. Plus, she never asked me for money. Not once. She was sick. It was obvious. And, I wanted to know all about her.

I feel drawn to people some times. Just like Mary, there was a man who stood in the underground walkway between the blue and the red lines at the Jackson station. I passed him almost every day on my way home from work. He held a cup, a cane, and mumbled to himself. Some days he looked very bad. Others, he looked nicer with his hair freshly braided. Some days he was gone and I worried. Some days I gave him money. Some days I didn't. Every day I wanted to say hello and ask his name. Never did this happen.

Early on in the fall Mary just wasn't there any more at her usual post outside of the Walgreens. I thought perhaps she went for a walk and was hanging out somewhere else for a day or two. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. It's true, my friends and I joked that she went to stay in her lush house in the north suburbs for the winter and would return when the weather grew nicer. Yet, beneath the joking, I was actually worried. I was sad that I allowed someone to be so present in my life, in terms of sharing physical space, yet never took the opportunity to move into a place of familiarity. Why had I never said hello? Why was I so set in the routine of seeing her, yet so comfortable with not really acknowledging her? I was disappointed in myself.

I was sitting in my apartment this evening and had a strange sudden craving for a cookie. Without really even thinking I sat up, put on shoes, and walked to Walgreens. I didn't even have to cross the street before I noticed her. She was back. Beneath a HUGE over coat, a hood, and sunglasses (despite the fact that it wasn't even a little light outside) I knew it was her. She was in the same spot she always was before. It was as if she had never left. It really made my day.

The Mary Show was apparently signed on for another season. And, I couldn't be happier.

I am left with a few thoughts though: How do I step outside of my routine and habits? How do I say hello first? And, how many other people do I miss by allowing them to blend into the background of my life?

What are your thoughts? Do you have a Mary?