#5: Mr. Personality

It was the kind of date that you go to work the next day and attempt to recreate the awfulness for your coworkers. There is one slight problem. You can't stop laughing. It is that sort of laugh that actors get when filming a funny scene. The production assistant has to keep coming into the frame and saying, "take ten." You try to start over. You get a few words out, "Well, he picked me up and we ended up going to a b....I can't." Usually the "I can't," is indiscernible. You can't get it out. You stand up straight, smooth yourself out, take a deep breath, "okay. He picked me up and we ended up going to a ga...." And then the laughing happens again.

Fortunately for you, I can giggle and type so you (unlike my coworkers) will get the story in one piece sans bursts of laughter.

This date had all of the makings of a good date. We had talked for a little while, text, g-chatted...things seemed to be good. He totally made me laugh and I would like to believe that my quick wit made him laugh as well. We were originally going to go out on Wednesday, but Tuesday as I was out shopping for an outfit with a friend for the date I got a text. "My friend is out of the country and lost her passport. Long story. Wanna meet up tonight? I'm in your hood." Ahhh. No, I'm shopping for our date TOMORROW. I'm not ready. I'm not ready, right? Well, luckily for me (or perhaps unluckily...jury is still out) I have friends that have strong influence over me.

A tangent...we're not talking peer pressure, "Try it you'll like it," kind of influence. No. If everyone jumped off a cliff, I would be sad. I wouldn't be off said cliff with everyone. I've gone to great lengths in the past to not fall into the dangerous traps of peer pressure (queue some sappy after school special music). I will save the story about my cigarette smoking seventh grade friend for another day...let's just say I listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no.

Anyway, my friends make suggestions...that is what we will call it. And, I have a tendency to listen to them within reason. So, she said, "Oh, you are going tonight. You have clothes to wear at home. I'm taking you home to get ready. Text him back." It was a blur, I couldn't think. Or, that is what I will chose to remember. See, this was her fault. Yep, her's.

I text back that it would be okay. About forty five minutes later I was walking out my door to meet him. But this was going to be good, right? We were totally getting along. Well, we hadn't met yet...I forgot to mention that. But, all communication had been really good at this point so how could things not go well?

I will tell you.

It may be more fun to just give you snippets of the date. Tiny slices of what happened over the next few hours. You will get the point. And, you won't have to suffer through it.

• I met him and he said, "Hey," but in a way that was absent of personality. Yep, no personality...really, none. No inflection in his voice. Dry. We might as well have shook hands the way I do when I meet one of my parent's friends. The whole, we're never going to see each other again, but with a fake smile I nod my head and say, "It's nice to meet you."
  
• The venue. We had discussed dinner, but he said he would think of somewhere to go and he would choose. When I asked where we were going he dryly shared we were going to a gay sports bar. Let it soak in. This was a first date. He had no personality. (Sidebar, I've been to this bar before. I love me some gay bars, but they are usually attended with my gay friends...NOT FIRST DATES!)
• It was trivia night. It was movie trivia. I have seen like 20 movies. I can't even get started on that. But, I knew nothing. He practically rolled his eyes.
• He ordered garlic cheese fries as an appetizer.
• He named our trivia team after his friend- Jamie Lynne. I tried to make a joke about how Jamie Lynne Spears had just announced her pregnancy that day blah blah blah (she had...it was a while ago). He didn't know who she was. And didn't seem the slightest bit amused.
• He responded with one word answers to any of my questions. He didn't return the gesture of conversation making and ask any himself.
  
• He did share that he grew up raising falcons with his father. Perhaps a conversation piece? I mentioned Royal Tenebaums (my favorite movie...one character raised a falcon). He looked at me and said, "Oh, I hate that movie." After I shared that it was my favorite.
• We got the check and he asked if I wanted to get it or if I wanted him to get it. I suggested we split it.
  
• He drove me home.
  
• When we got to my house, he said, "I had a good time. We should do this again some time."

Yeah. I got nothing else, but a shit ton of laughing...still. Over a year later.

We never went out again.