#4: All You Can Eat is never sexy

Dear potential suitors,

Please take note of the details of this date...and do the opposite of everything that went down. The outcome will be better for both of us.

Sincerely,
emily


How excited was I got a call from my date two days prior to when we were supposed to go out and he asked if I wanted to go to a Cubs game? Very excited. Okay, I wasn't over the moon excited. There is nothing wrong with the Cubs, I'm not saying that...it is just that since moving to Chicago I have been very spoiled in the the Cubs game attendance arena. My former roommate has season tickets and also sells shares of his games to friends. I split a share with another former roommate, which has resulted in my ability to attend many many games. Regardless, it is always a fun experience and a cool date. So, I was excited.

We made plans to meet at a bar before the game. Pre-game it a little. I called as I was on my way and he said we could grab a few drinks at the bar before "moving on." As the first inning was wrapping up I became slightly curious of when we would begin the long walk across the street to Wrigley seeing as how we had tickets and all and it didn't make much sense to watch the game on TV- tickets in hand. Right? Didn't "moving on" mean "to the game?" But, I'm not one to complain (at least not to someone I don't know really well....friends or complete strangers...all bets are off), so I didn't say anything and I slowly sipped my beer. He ordered another. He rambled on about how he worked for his dad, but didn't really do much. He said that he "worked from home," but did very little work. He continued by stating that he never woke up before 10am. None of this is terrible. I mean, I wouldn't brag to a date about doing "nothing" for a living, but whatever. And, I would love to sleep in forever. The weird turn came when he started talking about how much money he made a year and how his parent's bought his house for him.

Two things:

1. I don't care how much you make. Really. I don't. I'm not one of those girls. I mean, that's cool for those girls who want to be those girls. A guy will just never impress me with his bank account or material possessions. Just don't talk about it. I might like you less if you do...in fact, I will.

2. After bragging about how much money you earn, how about we not mention Mommy and Daddy still buy you stuff...especially when that stuff is a HOUSE!

Back to the date.

Mid-way through the second inning I couldn't help myself.

me: So, were we going to head over to the game?"

date: Oh, no. I couldn't get tickets for a good price. Some guy was trying to sell them for like $90 and I'm not going to buy tickets for $90. Someone else offered me two rooftop tickets for like $110, but even if it is all you can drink and all you can eat. I'm not paying that much. I can get tickets for much cheaper.

me: (in my head) If you could get tickets for much cheaper why didn't you? AND, could you stop with the money talk? Just say it was crazy expensive and apologize. Oh, and another thing, why didn't you say that we didn't have tickets right away or when I called you on the way home from work?

me: (out loud) Oh, that's fine. Don't even worry about it. (fake smile. fake smile.)

date: (not quite sure because I was getting annoyed) I love where I live. It's so close to Wrigley....charge people to park....make lots of money...blah blah blah...money. blah blah blah

After having another drink we decide to grab something to eat. The date proclaims that the drinks are too expensive at the bar and he doesn't want to pay that much for draft beer. Classy.

We decide to go eat sushi and this awesome little place near my house, which also turned out to be near his house. Because let the awesomeness continue...he lived one street over from me. Yep, ladies and gentleman, same house number and everything. One street over.

We get to the restaurant and date sees a sign for all you can eat sushi $29 a person. He proclaims that we should order the all you can eat sushi. I explain that I'm not all that hungry and I am not sure I can eat $29 worth of sushi. He doesn't listen. He orders it anyway. Oh, and when the server tells us that we have to eat everything we order of they will charge extra...I begin to freak out. He starts the ordering. When I suggest a spicy tuna roll he says that it is not expensive enough and we "really need to get our monies worth." Ohhhhh-kay. So he goes on an ordering spree. Gyoza, miso soup, veggie eggrolls, monster sushi rolls, beef teriyaki over rice...the order went on and on. I ate and ate and ate. All to a sound track of "you have to keep eating. We have to get our monies worth." Really? When I believe I ate my weight in raw fish and rice I waved the white flag. I couldn't do it anymore. And, one person is not suppose to get that stuffed....forced to get that stuffed on a date! He ate the remainder of the food. You know, don't want to be charged extra. It was terrible.

As I waddled back to my place...and his place as well he asked me to come see his house. I think it was the food coma that stopped me from even having the energy to say no. He walked me from room to room to show me his huge flat panel TVs...in every room. Bedroom, living room, dining room, kitchen....BATHROOM. Not impressed. And, I think he finally got the hint because he stopped pointing them out midway through. He walked me out onto his deck and began to talk about the awesome barbeques he could have out there. He said, "You totally have to come over and we'll barbeque some time." Right.

He offered to walk me home, but I told him I would be okay. He gave me a hug and said he would call me so we could go out again.

He did.

I didn't answer.

I didn't eat the next day either.