#2: Jump Right in...

Clearly there is a purpose to dating. For most people, there is an objective. As I typed that last sentence, I felt it important to recognize that the objectives of people can be very different...some could be looking for a free meal, others a relationship, or some could be looking for "a good time" if you know what I mean.

My objective, if you will, is companionship or maybe all of the above. It would be nice to find someone I enjoy spending time with. It would be even nicer if the feelings were mutual. So, I guess the hope is that we both like each other enough that we want to keep spending time together and something more develops. Now, I'm not one of those girls fantasizing about my wedding. I don't have some weird scrapbook with wedding dresses cut out and cakes and flowers that I like. No, I didn't start imagining my wedding when I was five. It's just not me. That isn't to say that I don't want to get married one day. I do. I like the idea of loving someone for the rest of my life...and vice versa. But, I also am not in the wedding race that some people my age seem to have entered.

Oh, and let's be clear...this race is not exclusive to women. No, no my friend. Men have taken their number and put on their running shoes in this race to the alter. Exhibit A:

Our first date was fun. We went for drinks and tapas. We had good conversation and some good chemistry. We hopped around from bar to bar for a little while and on our last stop we sat at a table, he tucked my hair behind my ear telling me how much he enjoyed being with me and gave me a kiss. It was sweet. He offered to walk me home, but only after he asked me to come over and "watch a movie." Cute right? It was about 1am. We ain't watchin' no movie. I was very proud of my self control when I said, "No," because at this point I was feeling somewhat intoxicated. He walked me to the door, kissed me some more, asked if he could come in, I said no, and he left...saying he would call me. What happened next was weird. It was morning. Right, one minute I am saying goodbye and the next memory I have is waking up...in my roommate's bed. (She was out of town.) I have no idea how I got there or why I was in there. My jewelry was on her dresser. It looked as if I walked in like I owned the place and just went to bed. Odd, right? In hind sight, I was probably roofied because I didn't have THAT much to drink and I've only blacked out once in my life...and I learned my lesson. This was not drinking black out.

Regardless, we went out again. I make poor choices. I think I said that before.

On our second date we went to this awesome restaurant and had a pretty good time. Although, he did ask me some odd questions about kids, when I wanted to have them, etc. Later in the night I agreed to go back to his place for a drink. Just a drink. Gosh boys and girls, I am a lady. We just kissed. I think.

But, sitting on his couch kissing was when it happened.

Date: I really like you.

Me: Thanks.

Date: No, I really like you. I've had a good time with you.

Me: I know. Thank you. I've had fun hanging out with you too.

Date: Like, I want you to be my girlfriend. What do you think of that?

Me: Uhm. Thanks. But, you don't really know me.

Date: Is there something I should know?

Me: Yeah. Do you even know my last name?

Date: Well, no. But, I know that I really like you and want to date just you.

Me: I'm not trying to be bitchy, but you don't know me enough to want me to be your girlfriend. You may get to know me better and change your mind...I may change my mind. Let's just get to know each other.

Date: It's just that I really like you.

Me: Thanks. But...

Date: So, no girlfriend.

Me: No girlfriend right now.

I get that it seems like perhaps he was just trying to sleep with me. Maybe he thought that would work on me. Clearly it didn't. But, I don't think that was the case. It became apparent that he was serious. Just wait.

As stated before, as stated before I sometimes make really bad choices. We continued to see each other and his push toward a serious relationship continued. His jealousy kicked in too at some point. He made weird comments about my roommates- two of whom were guys. Saying weird stuff, like how I should lock my door at night because they were probably trying to sleep with me. P.S. They weren't. He would also make comments about waiters or guys at bars. Oh, and not even a month in he made some comment about me fitting in nicely with his family...who I had not met.

Shortly afterwards I ended things with him. It all got too weird. The potential roofie incident. The asking me to be his girlfriend on the second date. The jealousy. The projections about "our" future. We didn't have a future.

Perhaps he wasn't racing to the alter, but he was racing for a commitment of some sorts from me. And, it freaked me out. I took some time off after him to figure out if it was the commitment that freaked me out. Or was it him? In the end, I realized that it was clearly him.

I spent some time feeling bad. Like, perhaps I should have jumped at the opportunity to be in a relationship. But why is it not okay to be alone? Why did I even make myself feel guilty for choosing to be single over entering a bad relationship? I like being single most of the time. And, I'm not going to suit up for the relationship race. I'll walk thank you. Get over it.