outlook not so good...

I apologize in advance. I am going to be Negative Nancy for a second here. I am working on finding a solution, but part of that solution for me is being able to get it out in some form or another. So, bare with me for a moment and I will get back to happy nothing little posts soon.

Have you ever really followed your gut and had it be wrong? I think I am sitting in a place of recognition that my gut lied to me. But really, I'm not even sure it was my gut that lied. Perhaps my gut was telling me what to do the whole time and I just ignored it. I'm not even sure anymore. I'm not sure how to trust myself to know the difference.

I'm usually one of those people that once she makes a decision, stands firm in it. And they are usually really good for me. It's true that I can be indecisive and take time to weigh options, but when I take that leap...when I decide...I'm all in. There is very rarely a moment of turning back wondering if I took a wrong step.

I'm looking back now.

I hate this feeling. I am disappointed in myself. Embarrassed. And I feel broken because of it. I have this desire to have someone swoop in and rescue me or be there for me, but at the same time I am so afraid of hearing "I told you so," that I don't even know how to begin to ask for support. I just want to drown in this feeling because I don't know how to make things right.